How to avoid small talk
Art by Chelsea Ryoko Wong.
The talk of influence
To succeed in business, you need influence. You need to know meaningful things about the people you're trying to convert. I don't mean that in a sinister way. (Unless you're Nancy Pelosi, in which case, Madam Speaker, you go where you need to go to take care of this situation.)
I mean that you need to build the kind of trust that leads to a sale, be it a new customer, investor, employee, mentor, co-founder, etc. We are nothing without sales.
Dr. Robert Cialdini wrote a book on Influence, which details the six scientific shortcuts to gaining it. (Here's an excellent video that illustrates key takeaways from the book.) One of the shortcuts to influence is likability. We like people (and companies) who are similar to us, who pay us compliments, and who cooperate with us toward mutual goals.
I encountered a powerful new tool for finding commonalities that lead to likability at a recent women's group meeting in my city. The facilitators introduced a structured group conversation technique that was like intergenerational speed-dating.
Here are the guidelines:
Divide attendees into two groups, those above the age of 45 and those below 45
Give everyone a handout with five questions (see below)
Seat the 45+ women around the room with an empty chair and enough space to hold a conversation
The younger women rotate, finding an empty chair next to an older women
Once seated, the younger woman picks one question from the handout to ask the older woman, who has 2 minutes to answer (timed by a facilitator)
After answering, the older woman asks the younger woman a question of her choosing from the handout; she also has has 2 minutes to answer
Continue until each younger woman has talked with every older woman
Time permitting, have the older group huddle and take turns answering the questions while the younger groups listens
I know, 45 is not old. Alas, we need to divide the group.
Here are the five questions:
What strongly held opinion have you changed or reversed?
What was the genesis of your greatest turning point in life?
What's your secret for gearing up for a dreaded task?
From personal experience, I would counsel that to achieve your dreams you should NEVER _______.
I'm know I'm right about _______.
There were about 20 women in attendance, many of whom are elected officials and powerful executives. This format leveled the power dynamic and facilitated conversation between every woman in the room. The depth of the revelations were astounding, spanning politics, childbirth, addiction, infidelity, grief, parents and parenting, insecurity, and self-doubt. I revealed parts of my life experience that I typically reserve for close friends. I didn't feel vulnerable. In fact, I felt celebrated since I landed in the "older" group.
I dare you to light up your next customer convo or coffee chat by asking one of those five questions.
"You know, I'm tired of the usual small talk. You seem like a successful person. Would you mind sharing the genesis of your greatest turning point in life?"
Or, "Hi, I've seen you at these events before. You must be building a business. I'm curious to know, what is your secret for gearing up for a dreaded task?"
Or, "Can I cut the chase with you? I really want to know how you'd answer a fill-in-the-blank question. You ready? I'm know I'm right about _______. Go."
Give them space to think before they answer. Embrace the silence.
Importantly, don't let them off the hook if they forget to ask you to answer the same question. Simply say, "I'd like to share my answer, too."
Tell me, does deeper questioning create more influence? I'd love to hear what you think. Send me your questions and stories.
Boring but important: insurance
Polina Marinova of Fortune's Term Sheet newsletter has been tracking the venture capital pouring into insurance. She's gone so far as to call insurance the sexiest category in tech.
Next Insurance of Palo Alto, Calif. just raised $250 million in Series C funding at a $1 billion valuation. Next is not female founded or led, but I'm bringing them to your attention for two reasons.
You should have general liability business insurance to protect against if a customer or client sues you for bodily injury, medical payments, advertising harm or property damage. Next makes it easy, fast and affordable to get a policy.
If you're a B2B brand, you could emulate what Next is doing with their brand marketing.
Their website clearly lays out their value propositions, is well designed and employs video and customer spotlights as relatable storytelling. (Damn, Robert Pauley.)
Pricing and reviews are upfront and clear.
There's a touch of humor drizzled throughout the content.
They haven't overspent on branding as they scaled.
Weekly Funding: 28 women, $212 million raised
Read the details of VC funding here.
In the newsletter, I also shared this positive update:
The U.S. Department of Labor announced their RESTORE grants, which award nearly $2.5 million in funding to organizations in five states to help women affected by the opioid crisis to re-enter the workforce. The 2019 recipients are:
Helen Ross McNabb Center, Tennessee ($499,999)
Public Health Management Corporation, Pennsylvania ($499,730)
The Research Foundation for SUNY – University at Buffalo, New York ($500,000)
Total Action Against Poverty in the Roanoke Valley, Virginia ($500,000)
Urban Workforce Advantage, New Jersey ($500,000)